Fantasy Camps Consolidated

Anyone can go to a sports team fantasy camp. But what about fantasy camps for people with other tastes?

You can learn to spell absolutely anybody’s name wrong on the cup, no matter how simple. And how about learning to make attractive shapes with latte foam? Learn to sneer with the proper amount of shrouded disgust when you have to explain your proprietary cup size names. (cutaway: “we don’t have medium. did you mean il duce? or did you mean capo de duce?)

You’ll never forget your day of delight when you get a chance to work in a live DMV office. Learn to yawn with boredom as you tell someone they’ll have to go back and fill out yet-another-form and get back in line. Develop the priceless skill of taking your lunch or coffee break at precisely the moment when that line is longest. Savor the looks on motorists faces when you explain how you cannot accept any form of payment they have. (cutaway: “I’m sorry sir. At this branch we’re only able to process payments in Bitcoin.”)

A thrilling ride-along with a real Parking Enforcement Officer will give you countless amusing stories to tell your friends. They’ll envy you when they hear about how you were able to swoop in at precisely the moment that a meter expires to plant an expensive ticket on someone’s car. Watch your friends marvel as you describe how you booted or even towed a car just because you don’t like the way it looks. Learn the priceless skill of identifying just the right element of confusing signage that causes a parking spot to be in violation. did you ever want to tase someone. Just watch for the first person who hums or whistles the Beatles “Lovely Rita”

Every wished you could crush a priceless package of commemorative plates with a forklift or a loading bay door? Of how about the thrill of cleverly hiding a valuable package so that it could not possibly be found before the next millennium begins? Would you love to mutilate precious photographs, bend and spindle items designed to lay flat, or randomly return items to the sender just to satisfy your bad mood? Then Postal Worker fantasy camp is for you!